I didn't wake up one day with "bad skin."
It crept in slowly. Quietly. Then all at once.
I was around 13 when it started. At first it was what everyone told me was normal. A few spots here and there. Puberty. Hormones. "It'll pass." So I didn't think much of it.
But it didn't pass. It escalated.
What started as occasional breakouts turned into something I couldn't ignore inflamed, painful acne that showed up in the same places over and over again. My face never fully healed because it never got a break.
And what nobody really tells you is this:
acne doesn't just sit on your skin it moves into your head.
When Your Day Is Decided by the Mirror
Every morning became the same ritual.
I'd wake up, walk to the bathroom, and look at my face.
And within about three seconds, I knew what kind of day I was going to have.
If it looked "okay," I felt lighter. More confident. Capable of being around people.
If it looked bad red, inflamed, angry my chest would sink. My mood would crash. And suddenly everything felt harder.
It sounds dramatic, but if you've lived it, you know exactly what I mean.
I didn't just have acne.
I lived around it.
I cancelled plans last minute. I avoided certain lighting.
I stood at angles where my skin looked "less bad."
I tracked people's eyes during conversations to see if they were looking at my face.
I laughed and acted normal while mentally spiraling.
And the worst part?
I felt disgusting.
Even when I wasn't.
The Mental Weight No One Talks About
People love to downplay acne.
"It's just skin."
"Everyone gets pimples."
"Why do you care so much?"
But acne especially long-term acne is constant self-awareness.
You're never fully present.
You're never relaxed.
You're always monitoring.
I remember being in social situations and thinking:
Do they see it?
Is it worse today?
Am I the guy with bad skin?
Should I even be here?
That kind of mental load wears you down.
Over time, I stopped going out as much.
I avoided dating.
I skipped opportunities.
I turned inward.
I went from being a confident, social kid to someone who felt smaller every year.
Trying Everything And Feeling Like I Was Failing
When things got bad, I did what everyone does:
I tried to fix it.
Dermatologists.
Products.
"Skincare routines."
Actives. Acids. Cleansers. Masks.
I bought everything.
At one point I had an entire shelf full of products and my skin had never been worse.
The more I tried, the more it felt like I was failing at something everyone else got for free.
Eventually, I went on Accutane at 20.
And to be clear, this wasn't my first medical stop. Before that, I had already tried tetracycline and other antibiotics, benzoyl peroxide, and the usual dermatologist playbook. Some of it helped temporarily. Most of it didn't last.
Accutane did calm things down and for a while, I finally felt some relief.
But when it came back, it wasn't as severe as before and honestly, that almost made it worse mentally.
Because this time it wasn't full-blown cystic acne it was persistent pimples around my mouth, forehead, and neck. Enough to constantly remind me it wasn't gone. Enough to keep the anxiety alive.
And that's when I knew something important:
I did not want to do another round of Accutane.
Not because it doesn't work for some people but because I didn't want a temporary fix anymore. I didn't want to suppress symptoms and hope for the best. I wanted to fix the problem for good, in a way that was actually healthy and sustainable.
That's when I started thinking differently.
If My Body Can React It Can Also Be Supported
One thought kept coming back to me:
If there are so many things that can trigger acne: foods, stress, antibiotics, poor sleep, inflammation then there must also be things we can intake and support that reduce it.
After all, our bodies aren't machines.
They're microbiology.
Trillions of bacteria.
Constant signaling.
Inflammation up or down.
So instead of asking "What product can I use to stop this?"
I started asking:
"What is my body missing?"
That question changed everything and it's what led me into the next phase of my journey:
fixing the foundation instead of fighting the symptoms.
The Shift: Stopping the Fight
What changed everything for me wasn't one miracle product.
It was a mindset shift.
I stopped attacking my skin.
I simplified everything I was doing externally.
Gentle cleanser.
Moisture.
Barrier support.
No constant stripping. No endless actives. No war.
And when my skin still kept flaring, I finally accepted something I'd ignored for years:
The issue wasn't just on my face.
Looking Inward: Gut, Food, Stress, Recovery
This is where things slowly very slowly started to change.
I began paying attention to:
- how my digestion felt
- how inflamed my body felt
- how stressed I was
- how poorly I slept
- how reactive my skin became after certain foods or periods of stress
Not obsessively.
Just consistently.
I cleaned up my diet without going extreme.
I focused on fiber, real food, regular meals.
I worked on rebuilding my gut instead of constantly nuking it.
I fixed my sleep enough that stress didn't run my life.
And something wild happened.
My skin started to calm down.
Not overnight.
Not in weeks.
But month by month.
When Your Face Calms Down Your Life Does Too
As my skin improved, something bigger happened.
I started showing up again.
I stopped dodging plans.
I felt okay being seen.
I could talk to people without constantly thinking about my face.
And this part matters:
I didn't suddenly become confident because I "looked better."
I became confident because the mental noise finally quieted.
That constant self monitoring disappeared.
I could just exist.
What Acne Taught Me (That I Never Asked To Learn)
One thing acne deepened for me whether I wanted it to or not was empathy.
When you’ve lived for years with something that affects how you’re seen, how you feel, and how you show up in the world, you stop judging so quickly. You start understanding that everyone is fighting something you can’t see.
It also forced me to practice self love, even when it didn’t come naturally.
Having bad acne for so many years made me deeply appreciate the good skin days. Those moments where I caught a glimpse of myself again where I felt normal, relaxed, like me. Things other people might take for granted suddenly felt huge.
Of course, I wish I had known some of this earlier.
I wish I had understood my body better.
I wish I hadn’t felt so alone while going through it.
And that’s honestly why I’m sharing this now.
Because there are so many people out there struggling the same way I did, quietly, behind closed doors, convincing themselves they’re the only one.
You’re not.
I know it can feel isolating. I know it can feel embarrassing. But if you’re reading this and you’re in that place please don’t hesitate to reach out to someone. Even just to share your story. I never want anyone to feel as alone as I did during my worst period.
Trust me when I say this:
It gets better.
Not overnight. Not magically.
But it gets better when we stop fighting our bodies and start giving them what they actually need from real food, real rest, and real support instead of constantly bombarding them with chemicals and quick fixes.
Looking Back And Moving Forward
If I’m being completely honest, acne took years from me.
Years of confidence.
Years of ease.
Years of opportunities I didn’t feel ready for.
I can’t get those years back.
But I can say this:
It forced me to learn more about my body, my health, and myself than I ever would have otherwise.
Today, I feel better than I ever did physically and mentally.
My skin is calmer.
My gut is stronger.
My habits are solid.
And my confidence no longer disappears when I look in the mirror.
That shift from fighting myself to supporting myself is everything.
And that’s why I created LUMIÈRE:
to help others find that same change, from the inside out.
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